Discipline in Nigeria has gotten off the trajectory of the actual purpose, this article is written to sensitize parents and people on alternatives to spanking children and how more effective they are with lesser long term consequences. One thing we need to get right is the true definition of discipline, a lot of people exchange the thought of discipline for punishment (the form of making a person suffer for what he is done and not a correction process but a retribution for an act). Punishment is inflicting pain on a person because of a past behavior. Webster defines it as a form of pain or loss that serves as retribution, a severe, rough, or disastrous treatment while discipline is a form of teaching what behavior is best for a child or person, a way to teach what is good or bad or wrong or right.
Of course flogging has being proven to a temporal means of disciplining a child but also with long term consequences see also “reasons you shouldn't spank kids”. Over the years Nigerian kids have gotten used to spanking, flogging,
beating, and even domestic violence, which has allegedly gotten us a society of angry men and women, kids have their instincts tuned to what they see, experience, hear and do. So taking a pragmatic view towards this situation makes us to understand what is going on in our society.
Most statements made by Nigerian parents are statements like;
• “Flogging my kids won’t kill them ”
• “if I don’t flog them, it will spoil them”
• “It makes them strong” e.t.c
• “Spare the rod, spoil the child”
But the forget facts like;
• “Spoil the rod, spare the child”
• “flogging won’t kill, but it teaches no skill but rebellion”
• “it makes them strong out teaches that that the stronger one is always right”
• “If I don’t flog them they will get spoilt but it damages their self esteem”
Six alternatives to spanking kids include;
1. taking away positive attention and privileges from your child:
Children yearn for your attention as a parent or a good teacher (that is if you have given them positive attentions and the feeling of a good guardian i.e. a lot of positive time in). Taking such privilege from your child shortly, when done correctly can stimulate him or to realize him mistakes.
Children can learn from this even later in life, other than solving issues with violence. Taking time out will help whenever they feel overwhelmed by a situation. Although when your child when spanked bears some pains for one minute or two taking away that favorite toy, TV program or video game for a short period hurts longer(psychologically speaking) you know after this act he will choose the right attitude so as not lose that favorite thing for 24hours or less. For example my mama will not allow me play football unless I do my assignment and wash the dishes, therefore when I come back from the school I will pull my uniform, immediately, wash the dishes, do my assignments and finish my house chores and whoa!!Off we go!! I know I have two hours to play ball after then I rest and read ahead of my teachers (a must). All these cannot be done if you as a parent do not care for the wellbeing of your children sincerely.
2. Teaching new skills:
The truth is verbal communication with your child Is the best way to train up your child. Also emulating your attitude is another way your child builds up his characters. That’s why it’s extremely bad for a child to witness domestic violence. Spanking your child never teaches him a new skill for example when your child throws tantrums, you flog him, you help him no way to calm down his temper next time he is angry. You have taught him nothing!
You know sometimes you have to sit your children and have a long chat with your kids teaching them best decisions to make at several points in time e.t.c. Parents flog their children when they mention sexual related words or sentences instead of educating them on what they really mean.. See, if your children cannot discuss with you, they will discuss with other people, it might go bad when they discuss with the wrong people who will mislead them.
3. Provide logical consequences:
When your children struggle with behavioral problems, your aim should be to help them, some of the ways include providing consequences for misbehavior, e.g. when your child refuses to eat dinner, don’t give him snacks. Or when he chooses not to do school assignments don’t let him play with friends or anybody. Overtime your child will see these attitudes directly linked to these consequences, which gives that child the choice of choosing between his right attitude and the consequences.
4. Allow natural consequences:
When you warn your child from playing with candle flame, and he refuses leave him to face the consequences, the she will learn exactly what you want her to learn. You know such consequences that are not too detrimental to your child. E.g. letting your child go on into the cold, when he refuses to wear jacket. He learns naturally what cold is and will not argue with you next time.;
These things are better than spanking your child for the same reasons. All you have to do is know the right time and way to do these things.
5. Rewarding good behavior:
Humans yearn for something and that is recognition and sincere appreciation(this I learnt for dele Carnegie) and a child is no exception.
Comments